"The
European Commission has just announced the decision whereby English
will be the official language of the European Union rather than German,
which was one of the other possibilities. As part of the negotiations,
the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for
improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan for what would
become known as "Euro-English". In the first year, "s" will replace the
soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.
The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up
konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing
publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be
replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter. In
the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to
reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments
will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a
deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of
the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away. By
the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with
"z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd
from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil
sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun
vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil
finali kum tru. Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like
zey vunted in ze forst plas. If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza
pepl."
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